Ironspell : That Dragon Was in No Way My Fault Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication and Acknowledgments

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

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  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

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  Other Books by MH BONHAM

  About the Author

  That Dragon was in No Way My Fault

  MH BONHAM

  Llaughing Llama Media, LLC

  © 2019 by M. H. Bonham.

  Published by Llaughing Llama Media, LLC.

  This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.

  Cover by M.H. Bonham.

  Printed in the United States of America

  9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Dedication and Acknowledgments

  For Larry

  Special thanks to Gary Jonas, Kate Steenberg, and Brooke Stanley

  My cheerleaders and Beta critics

  Chapter One

  “Ironspell, watch out! That dragon is behind us!”

  My partner and mentor, Officer George Talon of the Denver Police Department Supernatural Unit (DPDS), grabbed my arm and shoved me toward the Denver Zoo’s elephant house. Presumably to get us behind something—anything—before the dragon could take a potshot at us with his breath.

  Yeah, I’m talking a real, live firedrake and not one of those cheap, knock-off versions that have flooded the market in recent years. Sure, the knock-off dragons are pretty impressive, as dragons go, but you can always tell they’re cheap because they only have three or four claws instead of the traditional five on their feet. Some even have only two or one claws. I mean, how impressive is a dragon with just one claw per foot? The poor things can barely stand, and even Denver Animal Control won’t take them anymore because they have too many to put down already.

  Where was I? Firedrakes—right. The dragon soared above us as people screamed and ran in terror towards the exits. Trust me when I say a handful of cops and park security is no match for hordes of frightened mothers pushing baby carriages with their progeny and making for the nearest exit. All this on account of a mad sorcerer and a rampant dragon.

  The loudspeakers blared throughout the zoo giving directions on how to evacuate in an orderly fashion—only no one was listening. Talon had chosen the Denver Zoo as a rookie training spot because other than petty theft and the occasional assault, not a lot really happens there except the occasional lost urchin. Seeing I was the rookie, I went along with the choice and figured we’d get some Dippin Dots Ice Cream and watch the animals. The zoo had just opened up a new supernatural exhibition house, which included the said dragon, which was now chasing us.

  The dragon screamed and shot a stream of fire at us as we barely made it to the pachyderm house. It overcooked the sidewalk to a bubbling goo and set the grass on fire, but narrowly missed us. Some of the flames made it to the wall we sought shelter by, but just scorched it slightly.

  My name is Bob Ironspell-Cabas and I’m a magic user and rookie cop just out of the Academy. I tried to get into the Denver Wizard Task Force (DWTF), but I didn’t have enough cred or formal training, apparently. So, I took the next best thing and that was DPDS. It meant I could use some spells to handle Supernaturals, but dragons were out of my league and the DWTF were supposed to take over.

  That was more than forty minutes ago, by my watch. At this point, I was wishing I had the latest copy of Wizardry Today, which had a plethora of good dragon taming spells in their issue. But alas, that issue was at home, and not with me—not even in our patrol car. This was my third day as a rookie cop, and I wanted to make a good impression.

  “You know any dragon spells?” Talon asked, as if reading my mind. He knew I used magic and came from a long line of powerful wizards and mages, but we hadn’t really gotten into specifics. Other than seeing me use magic to bust an Orc for snatching an old lady’s purse, I really hadn’t been too showy with my spells.

  I shook my head. “I had just come across some in a magazine I just got the other day. I was going to look at it.”

  “Seriously?” Talon was a big guy—and I’m not tiny at six foot flat—and remarkably fit for a veteran. I guessed he was around 40 years old because he had a few grays among his brown, regulation-cut hair. He frowned. “You think you could cast some of those spells if you had the magazine?”

  “Yeah, probably.” I watched the rhinoceros not far from us bolt and charge indoors as the dragon shot another stream of flames across the sidewalks.

  Luckily everyone had fled and we were alone. Unfortunately, that meant we were also on our own. The dragon spotted something on the other side of the park and swooped toward it. I sagged against the wall of the pachyderm house and eyed Talon suspiciously. “What are you suggesting?”

  “That we take out the dragon, ourselves.”

  Chapter Two

  “But we’re supposed to wait for DWTF or Denver What-The-Fuck or whatever,” I objected. I distinctly remembered being told that DPDS officers handled Level One or Level Two threats. Dragons, which were Level Nine threats, were right out.

  Talon shrugged. “They take their time getting to wherever there’s a real problem. We’re on our own until then. Unless you can come up with a way for us to get the hell out of here, we probably need to take care of the dragon and the sorcerer ourselves.”

  “But I’m not a wizard. At least, not yet.”

  “Come on, we’ve got to get to the Supe animals. They sell wizard magazines in The Magical Zoo Gift Shoppe.”

  “I think it was Wizardry Today—I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have it.”

  “I saw it on the rack in there last week when I took the kids to the zoo.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “Pretty sure.” Talon led the way.

  I followed, looking into the sky and feeling apprehensive. That dragon could come around at any moment. I hadn’t lied to him when I told him that I could probably cast the spells and tame the dragon, but the problem was getting the magazine without getting charred. Maybe it was me, but I didn’t relish the idea of taking on a firedrake. Not to mention a demented sorcerer.

  Talon’s police radio crackled. “Talon, here.”

  “Officer needs assist at the werewolf exhibit. Says there’s a number of civilians trapped in the Lycanthrope House and the wolves are agitated.”

  “Oh great. Could it get any worse?” I asked as we hugged the structures and hoped that the dragon wouldn’t catch us while we were out in the open, between buildings.

  “Rule number one, Rookie: Never ask if it could get any worse, because it always does.” Talon had a grim look on his face. “Whoever thought it’d be a good idea to have shapeshifters in this exhibit need to have their head examined. Half the Denver population aren’t vaccinated against lycanthropy because of the stupid anti-vaxxers. So, they get all pissy when little Johnny gets bit by a werecat and starts craving tuna and mice, and the doctors can’t do a thing for him now that he’s got the disease.”

  I snorted and shook my head. One of the requirements of being a Denver cop was having your lycanthropy, vampirism, and undead vaccinations. While it wouldn’t save your life from being mauled, drained of blood, or have your brains gnawed on, it prevented you from being turned and thus made a nuisance. Most anti-vaxxers were against administering these vaccines. Some went so far as
exposing their kids to shifter or undead bites in neighborhood parties so their kids would acquire immunity. Predictably these parties never ended well. Kids got mauled, turned into zombies, or later came down with the full-fledged disease. Some people never learn.

  We made it to the gate which led into “The Magical Zoo.” It promised all sorts of wondrous creatures on the signs on the posts. As one of the more ambitious zoo projects, I had to admit they had a nice selection of creatures. Kelpies and Selkies peered up from their pools and then dove back down, presumably to stay out of the dragon’s sight. I saw a small herd of unicorns under a large cottonwood, looking up at the sky. We passed by the Kappa and Bakeneko displays, as well as a large cage with two Phoenix. Just as we rounded the corner to get to the lycanthrope display—and incidentally, The Magical Zoo Gift Shoppe, which was attached to the Lycanthrope House—we heard a loud screech overhead.

  The dragon swooped over us, its claws—five on each foot, mind you—bearing down on us both.

  “Ascendit quoque scuta!” I shouted, putting as much will as I could muster into the words. No sooner had I said that than a translucent blue bubble stretched over me and Talon. The dragon’s claws scraped harmlessly against the magical shield arcing with black and purple lightning where they made contact.

  “Good thinking.” Talon smacked me on the back hard enough to make me stumble as we ran to the doors.

  “It won’t hold up long to dragon fire,” I said. As a wannabe wizard and a police academy trainee, the first incantation they pound into you is a shield spell. I took the magic user track which gave me some leverage against minor threats. But this? No one said I’d be dancing with dragons.

  As if on cue, the dragon whipped around and breathed fire. I managed to tumble inside as my shield failed and Talon screamed as his uniform caught fire.

  “Nunc aqua!” I shouted and water doused us both. I grabbed him, despite his protests and pulled him deeper into the exhibit hall. The cold breeze from the building’s air conditioners caused me to shiver as I half dragged, half carried Talon inside.

  When I stopped, I set Talon down slowly and assessed his injuries.

  They were bad. Really bad. It took me everything I had to not throw up. His skin on his face, neck, and exposed arms were bloody and burnt. Blackened skin peeled off him like flakes. The flames burned his expression along half his face in a weird scowl and part of his lips were missing. He needed help—more help than I could possibly give him. Talon had thankfully passed out sometime when I dragged him here; otherwise, he’d be screaming and be in a world of hurt.

  “Shit, we need to get you to the hospital.” But what EMTs would brave, let alone survive, a loose firedrake? I keyed the mic to my police radio and found the dragon fire had fried the circuitry. Never mind what I must have looked like. My face felt like I had been out in the sun way too long and my arms and hands were beet red.

  Just when I was wondering how things were going to get worse, I heard growling.

  Chapter Three

  I turned and saw a large werewolf, teeth bared, and snarling at me. You can always tell weres from the run-of-the-mill wolf because they are bigger, have larger teeth, and have a look of sentience that not even the smartest dogs have. This were was big with gray, black-tipped fur, a muzzle that was maybe a bit broad for a wolf, and a total tough-guy attitude. I took a deep breath and stared right back into those yellow eyes of his.

  “Look, my partner needs help,” I said. “We came over because we heard there was problems in the Lycanthrope building.” I held my breath for a second as the were studied us. He nodded, turned around, and trotted off.

  I exhaled and looked around. I saw a first aid kit on the wall, so I stood up and grabbed it. As I returned with the medical kit, a man around my age with dirty blond hair and yellow eyes ran towards me. He had day-old stubble on his face and bare feet. He wore old jeans and a t-shirt that said, Weres Rock!

  “Hi, I thought you were with the nutcase in the Lycan pen.” He extended his hand to me. “I’m Jimmy Varg, zoo werewolf.”

  “You’re part of the zoo exhibit?” I blinked as I shook his hand. Although I have strong hands, his paws were powerful. I did not want to get in a handshake dominance contest.

  “Yeah, the Denver Zoo pays the Denver Wolfpack to provide Lycans for the exhibit.”

  “They pay you?” I blinked.

  “Easier than getting ferals and not as dangerous. We each sign a contract with the zoo making sure that no one will harm Normals.” He shrugged. “It’s decent beer money.” He looked down at Talon. “Your partner looks bad. You contact your dispatch?”

  “Radio’s fried.” I shook my head. “We just managed to get inside before the dragon crisped us.” I pulled out the bandages. Surprisingly, I found some pain reducing burn ointment in the kit and poured it on his wounds. I began to wrap them.

  “Fuuuck.” Jimmy shook his head. “The other cop down here is toast too. The crazy guy blasted him with something and threw him in the Lycan pit, thinking we’d eat him.”

  “Ugh.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it. Monkey meat tastes awful.”

  “How bad is the officer hurt?” I asked as I continued to wrap Talon’s burns. I had no idea what I was doing, but uncovered, they were an unholy mess.

  “I think he’s got some broken bones and maybe internal injuries. That’s what my sister, Luna, said. She’s not a nurse or EMT or anything, but she’s pretty clever when it comes to injuries. Which is odd, because us Lycans heal fast.”

  “So, I have a sorcerer and a dragon to deal with on my own. And two seriously injured cops.” I glanced at the now almost empty med kit. “Great.”

  “All in a day’s work, eh?”

  “Third day on the job.”

  “No shit?” Jimmy looked impressed. “Man, you hold it together better than I’ve seen some veterans do.”

  “When have you had dealings with veteran police officers?”

  “Uh, well, some cops used to harass the pack for being the pack, you know?” Jimmy looked askance at me. “Not so much now, but they were brutal when I was a kid.”

  I nodded. After the Supernaturals had revealed themselves, it took quite a while for Normals to get used to the idea that wizards and magical creatures existed all the time beside them. Some cops had made it their mission to give Supes a bad time, only they found out that they were completely out of their league. Just like all professions, cops have their bad apples, although I’d like to think we do a better job nowadays of dealing with the ones who give us a bad reputation in the community.

  “You got your cellphone on you?” I asked.

  “Nah, I don’t. Too easy to get lost or stolen with this gig.”

  “Shit, and I left mine in my locker.” I glanced at Talon. Whatever he had as a cellphone was probably scorched with the dragon fire. “Where’s the nearest emergency phones?”

  “They’re out. I checked.”

  I swore. “Can I rely on the weres to help me?”

  “Yeah, especially if I’m with you.”

  “Okay, you know where the sorcerer is?” I looked down at Talon. Unless something big came romping down the hallway, he was most likely safe for the moment.

  “Yeah, he’s got about a dozen civilians captive.” Jimmy nodded. “If he just sent the Normals to us, they’d be safe, but no one knows that. The weres can’t take him on directly because of his magic. So, we’re at a stalemate.”

  I took a deep breath. “So, the people are okay for now, right?”

  “Scared shitless, but yeah.”

  “Okay, this is what I need you to do…”

  Chapter Four

  “Why are we here, again?” Jimmy riffled through another stack of magazines under the desk in The Magical Zoo Gift Shoppe. “This is the March version of Wizardry Today.” He held up a magazine with a stylized picture of Merlin on the cover.

  “That issue was two months ago.” I stared at the racks of back issues. “This one has a blue drago
n on the cover.”

  The were looked annoyed and about ready to change into his wolf form, clothing or not. “Look Dude, I’m telling you it ain’t here.”

  The Magical Zoo Gift Shoppe was a little more than a tourist spot with some t-shirts with wizards, scary werewolves, and zombies on them, famous kids’ books about a wizarding school, and even some plushy dragons and figurines. The nonfiction books they had on the shelf were basically crap grimoires promising to make potent love potions (they didn’t work), and spells to increase your grades in school (also proven failures). Not that I tried them, mind you. I just heard from a friend of a friend they were bullshit.

  I didn’t believe that they’d have such a wizard-techie magazine, but given that The Magical Zoo had opened up recently, they probably didn’t have a clue what to order for the gift shop, so they order a few copies of some popular wizard magazines.

  Technically, I wouldn’t be looking for May’s copy of Wizardry Today if I didn’t have some success with the magazine’s incantations. The editors are basically lazy and don’t check the spells, but over the year or so, I could tell which writers had done their homework, and which hadn’t. Ima Naught Merlynne was the writer’s pseudonym who wrote the dragon taming article.

  Of course Ima Naught Merlynne isn’t the wizard’s real name. Most wizard writers don’t publish under their real names because the crowd that considers themselves “Mages” and not “Wizards” look down on the writers as hacks. These snobby Mages wouldn’t take the authors seriously unless they published something substantial such as Tauri Partim in Tuba Magna Stercore Grimoire. Unfortunately, serious work seldom makes any money, so a lot of wizard writers have to settle for content and article writing to pay their bills. Since I had used spells from Ima Naught Merlynne, I figured the dragon taming spells would work.

  “Wait a sec,” Jimmy said. “You said the issue was May’s?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s March, you know. You get these magazines via time warp or something?”